There have been a lot of justifications why I haven't been present in bloggy land as of late, but for the life of me, I cannot pinpoint just one explanation. I think the infamous straw that broke that back was when Maddie Spohr passed away. I included a very brief post about it here. I don't know these people, except through my sporadic visits to The Spohr's are Multiplying from time to time. But for some reason, her death weighed very heavily on me. Not only because I was devastated for any parents who have to experience this or anything like it. It was more than that. It was the overwhelming fear that something could happen to my very own Butterbean. It was the exhaustion of tolerating a job that I abhor and simultaneously the absence of which is not an option at the time. It was the weight of world events. And it was the mere fact that I have been at struggle with what is me for some time.
My solution was to bubble myself. You know, like Boy in the Bubble? Bubble myself against the harsh realities of the world for a while. Against the fact that children get sick and some of those children even die. Against the responsibilities that accompany adulthood, marriage and raising a kid. Against myself. Within the blogs I frequent, therein lie these realities of the world, both harsh and joyful. Such is life. Life is not always pretty. But is can be. Life is not always simple. But without complications, how would we appreciate the easy?
Quite frankly, I think I had my fill of other's lives and had to concentrate a little more astutely on ensuring I get myself in a better place than where I had been. I will say I am not quite there. But I can say that I think I am on that path. A hell of a lot closer than I was, at least. And that is something.
(a very heartfelt thank you to those of you who have hung on with me. i was surprised, and truly humbled, that a few of you noticed I was MIA. it means a lot. and sometimes every little bit helps...)
